Tuesday, April 19, 2011

An Upswing!

I'm very happy to report that Dante is doing much better.  Sunday, we went to Albertson's for the stuff to make a focaccia pizza, and he was a little whiny, but as soon as our cashier handed him a "Thanks for Shopping" sticker, he was happy as a clam.  So, then we went to the park so Hubby could have time to himself and Dante could get some much needed sunshine and exercise.

We wound up meeting this really nice stay at home mom (whose name eludes me right now!) and her cute 19 month old, Alex.  Such a sweet little boy!  Dante had so much fun playing with him, and their dog, Kali, and us Moms had a nice chat!  My favorite part of this park trip, though, was when we left.  Alex was buckled into his wagon, and I told Dante to give him a hug.  Instead, Dante leaned over and gave him a kiss on the forehead!  My heart melted like a sno-cone on an El Paso sidewalk in July!  Every so often, I wonder if I'm doing an ok job, and Dante does something to remind me that I'm teaching him well!

Monday was one of those days that made me want to patiently wait out the waiting period so I can effectively assume a position on a bell tower.  Dante woke up from a nightmare around 820 am, when I had to be up at 1030am for a doctor appointment.  He finally went back to bed around 9 something and I actually rescheduled my appointment for 1115 instead of 1145, thinking I could get back early and nap.

Got to the appointment, it took less than ten minutes (she didn't even check my fundal height, which pissed me off, but at least I got to hear her heartbeat, which was at 140+ bpm).  Then, to add insult to injury, Doc asked me to please schedule another ultrasound because at my 20 week scan, they didn't get very good pictures of her face and neck.  Sure, no problem!  So I head to the front, grab my nasty orange drink for the glucose screening next month, and then I got told one of the most horrible things I could be told:  They don't have anyone on Mondays to do ultrasounds.  My love has Sunday/Monday off.  Then, without even asking me if it was ok, she just randomly scheduled me for next Wednesday at 330p.  I was so pissed, I nearly ran lights and stop signs. So I stopped at 7-11 for a cup of coffee and a Cadbury egg.  As I enjoyed that creamy bit of heaven, I threw in a mix cd that I made from some of the music my best friend Chris gave me, long before he passed away.  (As in about 5 years ago!)  So I was incredibly proud of myself for not having to pull over, like I was a grown up, listening to good, thumpy music.  Then one song in particular came on, and luckily I was pulling into my garage, so I just let it go.  It occurred to me that no matter how much I cry, how much I punch my steering wheel, he's still gone.  I can bitch, moan, cry, doesn't matter.  I can't stop listening to the music I love because it reminds me of him.  I am beginning to think that it's not fair to him or his memory if I do something so incredibly stupid.

So I came upstairs and just vegged in front of the computer.  I looked up ridiculous things just to waste time and make my brain feel useful.  Then Dante woke up, and we went downstairs to see our neighbor and her son, F, and we had a blast.  They were kind enough to bring some frozen organic yogurt in an ice cream cone for him, and Dante loved it!  He ate it with his hands, and it was kinda gross, but he was so happy, I couldn't argue.  He got covered in yogurt, and chalk, and he was an absolute mess, but the laughter that bellowed from his lips made me so incredibly happy!  He ran, and played with those pull back and go kind of cars, and was just a little boy.  Not sick, not tired, just thrilled to be alive, and it was contagious.  And luckily, my dear neighbor offered to watch him next Wednesday so I don't have to take him to the ultrasound appointment.  Whew!  The boys get to play and I get to not worry about him destroying thousands of dollars of equipment while I'm stuck with cold goo on my belly.  I'm just sad I have to miss seeing him play.  I love the look on his face when he's enjoying himself, or learning.  So gorgeous!

Every so often, when I think about everything that's wrong in the world, Dante reminds me that true happiness is squishing a banana between your fingers.  Or doodling on yourself with a washable marker.  Or singing the ABC's in silly voices.  That little boy has been one of the greatest blessings anyone could ever ask for, and I am eternally grateful.

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