Well, it's been a minute, hasn't it? I'd like to say I've been busy finding a cure for Parkinson's or Alzheimer's, but, in reality, I've been dodging boogers, succumbing to the whims of my children (DAMN YOU, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!), and shuttling myself to and from assorted doctors appointments. I've been cleaning up messes, singing cheesy songs, and wallowing in the depths of my head, wondering when the neural pathways will finally make sense. (Luckily, there are drugs for that!) I've been cooking, and kissing boo boos, and scrubbing walls and children both covered in paint and markers.
I'd love to say that I've done something for myself, like gotten a haircut, or a mani-pedi, or even a facial mask I made myself from a recipe on Pintrest, but, alas, I have not. I'd love to spend time on myself, but that's not in my foreseeable future. Time, like money, tends to disappear before I can say "Wow!" Imagine if there was enough time in the day, or cash in all our accounts? What would we dream about? What would happen? I'm sure I'd find something to blather on and on about ('tis my nature), but it feels like I will never get there.
I did finally get my fat ass enrolled at the Community College of Denver, but I have yet to get to orientation (so that I can enroll in classes) because they are only held at times my husband is at work. Same goes for the testing portion of enrollment. I realize that they are weeding people out, but unless they can either pony up daycare or be open and willing when I can go...what am I to do?
Oh, well. Like all of my dreams other than motherhood, it's on the back burner. I knew going in that some things would have to be put aside, I just had no idea to this extent. I feel isolated. I feel like my days are spent translating thoughts into simple sentences for the knee-high set, and when I do get to talk to other adults, kids come out of the woodwork so that conversing is moot. I don't get to hang out with the ladies, because events have a tendency to be scheduled on odd nights or when family stuff is planned, or they are too expensive, and spending money is the opposite of what I am trying to do. I'm trying to get all our ducks in a row so we can get the hell out of this horrible, tiny apartment. I know a house won't solve all of my problems (add to them, in fact), but it'd be nice to have a window that doesn't face a wall. I'd like to build stuff in a garage, like storage things, or a classic car for Dante to drive when he's of age. I'd like to have a space where I can sew and not wake people up, or do a workout dvd without tripping over a kid.
It'd be easy to say I'm miserable, but I'm not. Confused, maybe, but not miserable. I'm hard at work in the confines of this skull, trying to hammer what needs to be hammered, and sanding so that I may polish. I'm a work in progress, sure, but when do I know when I'm done?