Saturday, August 27, 2011

Smiley Face!

I just went and grabbed her from her bassinet because she was making hungry noises (of course, right as I was getting ready to close my laptop for the "night!") and I gave her the standard "shush, Mama's gettin' your bottle," and as we sat down, I gave her a nose nuzzle, she grinned at me!  It lasted for a few seconds, and I know it was real!

And now I am figuratively a melted mess on my floor.  What a sweetheart!

Looking Ahead

So...Dante, Scarlett and I fly into ABQ on Tuesday October 25.  Not sure exactly how we're getting to LC, but I'll bet dollars to donuts that my mom will take the day off from work to go get us.  Here is a tentative schedule.  Some things are set in stone (Trick or Treating, Ren Faire and the LCHS/MHS football game) but most days will be pretty open and laid back.

Oct 26:  I'm thinking coffee at ID.  Who's in?
Oct 27:  Pizza?
Oct 28:  I will be in EP helping my MIL get ready for Scarlett's Welcome Party that night, and at some point near the end of that party, heading to Lindy's party for an appearance and some HUGS!
Oct 29:  LC Farmers and Crafts market in the AM to help out my mom and get some shopping done, then we're going to an F9 Reunion/Halloween party!  Whoot!  May or may not go to EP after that.  We'll see if I am up for the drive.
Oct 30:  Help mom and dad at the other market they do, evening's open.
Oct 31:  Most of the day will be spent with my Other Mom, Brenda.  No ands ifs or buts.  Important day.  But the evening I'm hoping to go trick or treating with Yvonne, Jennifer and Mari.  Let's find a well lit neighborhood, shall we?
Nov 1:  Open (but if someone wants to watch the kids so I can play bingo with my Gramma, let me know!)
Nov 2:  Open, except I get to go to Zumba with Jesusito @715p-815p
Nov 3:  I think we're having dinner this night with Emilia?  I could be wrong.  I'm a little slow.
Nov 4:  We'll be cheering for the BULLDAWGS at the Field of Dreams.  It'll be Dante's first football game, and I'm hoping he makes it to halftime so he can see the bands.  Game starts at 7, but we'll be there early to get decent seats.  And later this night is PETER MURPHY.  Priorities, people.
Nov 5:  REN FAIRE!!!!!  Yay!  I'm thinking we're going as gypsies or pirates.  I'm leaning towards gypsies to highlight the plight of the Romani people, but I know the politics will be lost on most people.  We may go to EP this night, I'll keep y'all posted.
Nov 6:  More Ren Faire and some coffee with the friends that are in town for the aforementioned Faire.  Traditions are hard to kill.
Nov 7:  Packing, and a trip to the post office to send myself stuff.
Nov 8:  Head to ABQ.
Nov 9:  Flight at 8 something in the blessed morning.  Ugh.

Still mostly tentative.  I hate being rushed, and that goes double on vacation.


Friday, August 26, 2011

When Did THAT happen?

Who?  How?  When?  What happened?  My little girl is a month old today!  So, to celebrate, here is a letter just for her!  (That you get to read!)

Dearest Scarlett,

You are a blessing.  No doubt about it, darling.  You have lit up one of the darkest periods of my entire life, and I am a better person for being your mom.  I am still amazed by your gorgeous blue eyes.  Chris had gorgeous blue eyes, and I hope yours stay blue, so I see my best friend every time I look at you.  You have been eating up a storm, and getting longer by the day.  For some odd reason, as much as you eat, you don't get bigger around the middle; it's just making you longer and your precious second chin is looking quite plump.  I can't help but "nibble" on your chins and it looks like you have been smiling in your sleep.  I can't wait to see you smile while you're awake.  I'm sure it will melt every heart that sees it, not just mine.

It seems that we both sleep better when you sleep on my chest, and I love it.  It partially scares the bejeezus out of me, thanks to all the anecdotal stories of babies passing that way, but it feels like I have about ten pounds of sheer joy keeping me going when it happens.

I can't tell a lie:  I love getting you dressed.  I love putting you in cute, frilly outfits.  I haven't really done your hair, and I must admit it's because you tend to get headbands wrapped around your neck, and barrettes make your hair look downright ridiculous.  Your hair sticks straight up no matter what I do, so I just sit back and giggle at my punk rock princess.

Your big brother is still getting used to you.  But I know he loves you with all of his tiny little heart.  A couple nights ago, he accidentally stepped on your foot, and he had to kiss it to make it better.  He loves helping to feed you, but doesn't quite understand that taking the bottle out of your mouth when you are mid meal is mean.  I have been trying to get him to just hold the bottle and make sure you're getting your lunch, but he's a bit spacy.  No one's fault; he's just 2, that's all.

I love and adore you.  I am so incredibly happy to have you in my life!  Thank you for being.


Thursday, August 25, 2011

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men....

Yeah, you know how that goes.  Now, I am going to be completely honest, so please no bull.

I gave up breast feeding.  There.  I said it.  I was not doing well, and Scarlett wasn't having it.  At all.  It got to a point where I was so hellbent on getting Liquid Gold past her lips, I wasn't enjoying her.  I was getting anxious, angry, and losing patience with EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING.  It was getting mighty sad, to be honest.

I am still a bit in awe that I lasted as long as I did.  Scarlett got a helluva lot more breast milk than Dante did, and he's a genius.  Does that mean I can all but count the days until Scarlett gets her scholarship letter to Harvard?

In all seriousness, the pain was killing me.  The pumping was torture.  Trying to get Scarlett to stay latched on was breaking my heart.  Her cries were hurting my heart and my ears.  So, now she is a straight formula girl, and as expensive as it is, I don't care.  Thanks to some awesome full sized samples, I actually have yet to buy any.  That will change in the next week, but with coupons and all the corners I've cut in other places, it won't break us.  She seems to be doing amazing!  She's been guzzling about 20 oz a day, and now she can fit newborn sized sleep and plays (feetie pj's, for those that aren't down with the lingo) but how she fits them is HILARIOUS.  She's actually getting too long for them, but some of them are up to twice as wide as she is!  LOL!

It also broke my heart to have to tell Dante that not only did I have to not jump at his every need when she was getting a bottle, but I had to not play with him while she slept so I could pump.  That was killer.  It's not his fault, why did he have to suffer?  Now, it's a lot easier for me to carve out time for both, and we're all better for the experience.  Speaking of, I am not at all worried about bonding with Miss Scarlett.  She knows exactly who I am and she knows I love her.  She's already rolling over if I cheat and put her arm under her just so when she's down for tummy time.  She is just amazing, and I am very, very lucky.

That being said, thanks to all who tried to help get my chest doing what it's supposed to do.  I really wish I could have, but I guess the lactation consultant that told me they were useless was right, and I am sincerely ok with it.  I'm much happier now....

Thursday, August 18, 2011

*drum roll please*


Scarlett Adele!

After I cleaned that Monday, I noticed my contractions were getting stronger.  So I cleaned my car, made dinner, made sure all my bags were packed, watched some Craig Ferguson and drove myself to the hospital.

Got there around 2am.  I had texted my friend Kayla earlier, and around 230 she got back to me and told me she had the next day off, and then I told her where I was.  She offered to come hang out with me, and I am still incredibly grateful.  We watched tv, listened to music, wandered the halls, and shot the shit.

At one point, my nurses wanted to send me home because they didn't think I was progressing all that fast, so to try to move it along, I took a soak in the jacuzzi tub.  For the record, as I soaked my way through a few contractions, I wrote a mental letter to Santa, begging for one of these to call my own.

After my soak, they checked me again, did their best to, uh...stretch the area a bit, and the next thing I knew, it was 7am and my doc was there, repeating the process.  She asked if I was against breaking my water like I was against meds, and I told her to go for it, but I had to call my husband first.  Called Hubby and asked him to please get Dante ready since they were going to break my water, and he agreed to put some spring in his step.

The instrument that resembled a knitting hook was brandished, and then my Little Miss told me she was DONE.  Seconds after the proverbial floods appeared, and that was IT.  At first I yelled that I was a pansy and that was it.  I am fairly certain I called myself a panty waisted bitch and a weakling.  I may have actually lifted myself from the bed by the strength in my arms alone.

I declared at the top of my lungs that THIS WAS IT, NO F-ING KIDDING and my room became a whirlwind.  I had asked for the mirror so I could see what was going on, but by the time that poor nurse set it up, they were placing this gorgeous string bean on my chest.  I think I had two "bad" pushes and 3 that actually worked.  That was it.  My perfect little sweetheart was born at 744am on July 26th, and was 7lb., 12.3 oz and 20 1/2 inches long.  So at 745, I called Hubby and told him to take his sweet time.  He and Dante missed the excitement.

I was really lucky that Kayla was there.  She took pictures, helped keep my head straight, and totally cheered me on when I thought I wasn't going to be able to do it.  I love that I have such awesome friends!

I actually felt pretty awesome when it was over.  I was so very proud of myself.  Yes, I cried like a sissy and had two terrible pushes that didn't do a damn thing but piss off both me and Scarlett, but that's ok.  I still think it's funny that she didn't get the common "cone-head" look because she wanted out so bad!  LOL!

When Hubby and Dante got there, Dante was so excited to see that his new little sister got him an Elmo backpack.  He was not really interested in the baby, but was a little confused as to why I wasn't at home with him.  I will swear until I take my last breath that Dante grew a couple inches and gained a couple pounds during my short stint at the hospital, though.

Hubby and Dante spent some time at the hospital, but for the most part, they left me alone so I could try to get my bearings.  I really appreciated that.  Only a handful of friends came to visit, and for that I am grateful, too.  I really wanted to be left alone so I could just stare at her.  And attempt to feed her.  And wrap my brain around where I am now.  There were people when I needed them and for the most part, I was left to my own devices.  I only really saw the nurses when I needed meds, and I saw the kind folks from room service a few times.  I had a nurse take Scarlett to the nursery while I showered, and at one point, I got tea service, which I thought was nice.

Now, about her name.  When I left home to drive myself to the hospital, Hubby found the name Indigo and totally had his heart set on it.  I gave up and agreed, then left.  Not just Indigo, but INDIGO MOON.  I thought it was waaaaaaaay too hippy dippy for my taste, but I thought maybe I'd meet her and like it.

I didn't.  And then when I told my Gramma, she yelled at me.  Not just a raised voice, which I have heard from her a few times in my 32 years, but a yell like I was about to hit her with my car.  I had never heard that tone of voice, in that volume, escape my grandmother's lips.  And I agreed.

So I voiced my concerns with that name to Hubby, and after some thought, we liked Scarlett.  It fit, since she had these precious red pigment marks on her eyelids.  The nurse in the nursery called them "angel kisses."  And to top it off, every time she fussed, she turned this gorgeous scarlet color.  Adele we agreed upon after an intense search for a name that works with our last name, sounded good with her first name, and had a meaning I could stand behind.  I thought about it, and looked for names that mean "noble" for two reasons.  1) Dante's middle name, Xipil, means "noble, of fire" and 2) If there was ever a trait that sums up my best friend that passed away with one succinct word, it's Noble.  Adele means "noble."

So I filled out the birth certificate form, and as soon as I handed it to a nurse, I realized there are two celebrities that bear those names:  Scarlett Johanssen, the stunningly gorgeous actress, and Adele, the singer that has a voice like buttah.

Screw it.  Both women are incredibly beautiful and talented.  =P

Wednesday afternoon, the doc that was on call since mine had the day off told me that I could leave that day if I so chose.  Thinking about how much I really didn't like being waited on, and how angry the lactation consultants made me, and my desire to be home with my family, I hopped at the chance.  But since I drove myself to the hospital, I wanted to drive home.  They did a quick check, found that I hadn't had a percocet in hours, watched me walk, and let me go.  I just had to have a CNA escort me to my car.  No biggie.  I was just thrilled to be going home with my new little girl.

We spent a few days with my mom and step dad while they were in town, and Dante had a lot of fun getting to spend time with them!  I had a rough first few days getting used to changing such tiny diapers, putting tiny clothes on a tiny little girl, but we're hitting our groove.  We don't do a whole lot anymore, but I love where we are now.  I love my kids so much, it almost scares me if I let it.  I really had no idea how much I could love two kids.  And I have two gorgeous, precious kiddos!