Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Check ups, Insomnia and Spell Check

Scarlett's check up was both informative and a bit of a let down.  I got the usual "She's beautiful," and then the let-down:  Some bull shit about how even though Dante didn't breathe like Darth Vader, I need to treat Scarlett just the same.  I don't like it, it's not sitting well with me.  She got her shots, and I held and fed her afterwards so she'd calm down, and now she's a mucous-y mess.  Now she sounds like a pug.  Don't get me wrong, pugs are precious animals, but I don't like my daughter sounding like her nose wasn't made for her body.  But she was born at 7 lbs., 12 ounces and 20 1/2 inches long.  Now she's 9 lbs 8oz., and 22 1/2 inches.  She's got all her shots, so now I don't feel bad about putting her on a plane next month.  Doc also suggested vitamin E oil on my burn, and while it still looks like I am a bad horror movie extra, it hurts less and looks a lot better than it did!  HAHAHA!

I'm still having serious problems sleeping, but Scarlett is doing well.  Now at night she'll get about 4 hours between feedings, which is awesome.  She is more alert, and showing some serious SPUNK.  She loves to be held, and I think if I let Dante hold her, she'd still love it.  She's getting a lot better at holding her head up, and every time I look at her, I am floored by how lucky I am.  If I can toot my own horn for a second, I am very proud of how well I've handled myself.  Maybe my grief is why my brain drifts off and I do things like singe layers of skin off my hand with bacon grease.  But I'm still swimming in some pretty rough currents, and I am super proud of me.  I do let myself slip from time to time, but if I didn't, I'd just be bottling it up until I explode. Little bursts are so much better in the long run.

I had the pleasure of editing an essay for a friend on the other side of the pond, and its subject made me think about how lucky I am to have my love, and my kiddos.  I really just want to stop my world from spinning long enough to scream from my proverbial soap box that I love them all so much, I am surprised my heart can beat, it's so damn full.  I also really miss editing and writing.  I should finally finish that series of novels stored away in my grey matter.  I should strike while the occult iron is hot.  I got some sick shit stored up there.  LOL!

Now I get to roll cigarettes while my kids sleep.  And I get to watch some Glee since I had 6 episodes on the dvr.  So I shall dance in the butt-spot I created in my couch while I roll those dreaded cancer sticks.  I'll kick it someday, but not until my feet are on solid ground....

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